Hooray My Ass

The rant button got punched early this morning.

Yes, it’s that rant again.

I took a perfectly pleasant discussion about sequels on
Facebook and though my invective all over it. The worst part is that it wasn’t even my thread. I went all pre-coffee crazy on something ML had started.

Well that’s hardly fair so I would like to once again apologize for that. I would also like to continue the discussion, or at least a portion of it. The question of the worst cinematic remakes and sequels was implied. I wan’t to know your opinion. Rest assured, there are no right or wrong answers.*

In the name of full disclosure and so you know
why I am collecting all of these, I will include my responses** from the Zuckerberg Experiment here:

Before any Hollywood producer is allowed to remake a movie they should have to pay for the widespread theatrical rerelease of the original. If what they really want to do is introduce a new generations to the characters and stories what could be better. If the movie hits they will have made their money and there is no need for a remake. If it tanks they might think a remake would not be financially viable.

Alternatively, all those involved in the remake decision process should be gathered in a room and fired to watch the worst remakes, sequels, and reimaginings Clockwork Orange style. For added torture they should have negative viewer responses piped in as well.

And ECT. Just random bolts of electricity right into the brain pan.

Maybe that nutshot hammer thing from the Japanese game show segment of that episode of

And then later, the reasoning behind the severity of the punishment:

Before we discuss levels of cruelty, allow me to provide my rationalization. My idea stems not from an emotional attachment to certain pieces of cinema but out of a need to protect future generations (Won't someone think of the children?!?)

Movie Producer A decides to remake a film. For this argument I won't even got with a "Classic" like Casablanca (which would probably create too much of an uproar) but something from my own formative years. I'll even stay away from my usual genre and go with a comedy which is slated to be remade.

Ferris Bueler's Day Off.

Jackhole Producer decides this is a good idea. Seven different screenwriters hack away at the original script until it is barely recognizable (we have to update it for today so there will have to be metal detectors and guards in the school and Homeland Security will have to get involved in the search).

In order to totally capitalize on the chance to pull in every possible dollar from the new audience, the casting director panders to the masses and hires the most recent flashes in the pan.

For example: Justin Bieber.

As Ferris or Sloane, not sure yet.


This doesn't even address the poor bastards with OCD


who are compelled to see each subsequent sequel. You know, the ones who sat through all 27 Hellraiser movies.

Really? I'm pretty sure it was 27. It felt like 27.

The movie is, of course, abysmal. However, those too young to know the original now take an attitude of "Yeah, I saw that and it sucked. I don't know what the big deal is."

And they never see the original.

Punishment for all this? I think I took it easy on them.

and finally:

I'll admit it, some of these movies feel like a slap in the face of people who are creating original content.

So there it is. I’m not (necessarily) talking about myself here. I have read a
LOT of good books lately many of which would make great movies.*** I would rather see a new stew with different spices which I may or may not like the taste of than the warmed over, watered down soup from last week.

What I want to know is what movies are we going to make those hangnails watch? List your choices for worst remakes and sequels here or on the corresponding FB post. Feel free to defend your answers.

Remember, no right and wrong.****

*Yes there are. I’ll try not to comment on all the wrong answers.

**The sad thing is that all of this came from a simple 6 word post:
The Crow III: Salvation is terrible.

Crap, there’s another thread.

****This will count as 30% of your final grade.

Hooray My Ass 2: Electric Boogaloo

Yes, two posts.

I can hear you now:
“Wait, we are used to one a month. We can’t handle two in one day.”

Don’t worry. Breath deep and slow and it will be fine.

“Another post on the same thing? Boo.”

Don’t rush to judge. This one is more positive. Oh, and much shorter.

“Wait, wasn’t the last post extolling the virtue of new material and how much you hate sequels? Doesn’t this make you a hypocrite?”


Shut up.*

Anyhoo, if none of that made sense, go here and read the previous post (or hit that little arrow marked
previous). That will give you the basis for this.

This is the place where I want to hear the good stuff you’ve read. Not just any good stuff, that’s what
Goodreads is for. No, I want you to list the recent books you have read that would make a good movie.

Or at least that you would like to see made into a movie. As before, there are no right and wrong answers but feel free to defend your responses.**

List them in the comments section here or in the corresponding
Facebook post.

*Seriously, shut up. Don’t be a dick. That’s my job.

**This is another 30% of your grade. The final will be 30% and the final 10% is attendance and participation in classroom discussion.

The Future is NOW!

I love living in the future!

Granted, I don't have a flying car or jetpack, but I don't know that those would be good transportation choices for someone with acrophobia. I don't even like going up in high buildings. I certainly wouldn't want to live in one of those flying apartment things. You can keep your Jetsonian future, thank you very much.

I think I am relieved that the Gibsonian* cyber-punk future hasn't become the present. Not because of the dystopian thing like you would think. I remember reading Neuromancer and thinking how cool it would be to be able to plug directly into a computer. Considering the drain on productivity that Facebook and the Zynga games have become, perhaps it is best that I don't have that direct interface.

No, I am quite pleased with the futuristic items which are now part of my present. I carry a communication device which allows me to connect to anyone almost anytime and anywhere. If I choose, this communication can be textual (my preferred method), vocal, or what-ever the "al" word for face to face video conferencing is. This same device is also a still camera, a video camera, contains a library of reading material, a second library of music, and a whole toy chest full of games that I can play alone or with others.

That's just the one I have in my pocket. There is also the slightly larger device which does all of that and more. The one that I am writing this on right now.

To be honest, the inspiration for this entry was neither of these devices but actually an accessory which works with each and the applications which are associated with it. I'm not really sure why I am making such a big deal out of it. What I do know is that when I set it up I had that "I live in the future moment."***

The item in question is a little gizmo which plugs into the audio out jack of my iPhone/iPad and allows me to read the magnetic strips on key cards.

More simply, I have a credit card swiper.

GLAHW has been knocking around the idea of accepting credit cards for about a year now. We make a number of appearances each year. We usually have books, magazines, and other merchandise available for sale. Sometimes people just simply do not have the cash on hand. Being able to accept credit cards would solve this problem.

I am going to pause here for a moment and draw your attention to what has me all wired.*4
Credit cards went from being something used primarily by traveling salesmen to the predominate method of making purchases in a roughly my lifetime.*5 I distinctly remember standing in line while people wrote out checks for their groceries. The bookstore I worked at in the late 80s was using cutting edge technology when it moved to the Veriphone Zon Jr (a smaller swiper/numeric keypad/printer) and we only had to use the big CHA-CHANG thing when the system went down. You know what I mean. That thing that looked kind of like a shoe store foot measuring device that the clerk put your card in. Yep, we were very glad to not have to spend five minutes every night washing the purple mimeo ink off of our fingers.*6

Fast forward 30 or so years. Last year I used my credit card for a couple of purchases at the Renaissance Festival. And no CH-CHANG for some of them. Just a quick swipe and a sign the screen please.

In a temporary storefront without electricity or phone lines in the middle of a wooded area.

Think about all of the developments that were required for that to happen. Not only did someone have to develop the actual technology to read the magnetic strip on the credit cards, it had to evolve to the point where it could be carried anywhere. Miniaturization and coding, hand in hand. There had to be a digital infrastructure in place which allows immediate access to financial information (thank you internet). Mobile technology had to develop to the point where it could access the internet from anywhere. This meant network coverage which extends just about everywhere (in North America).*8

We won't even start on the touch screen signature part.*9

And now I'm part of this!


There were actually a number of things for the group to consider. Most of the credit card verification companies will give you the little swiper dealie for free when you sign up, so price wasn't an issue that way. The financial question was how much use of the service would cost us. Some of the services charge a monthly fee, others a per transaction fee. Our sales cluster around specific times of year, namely the spring conventions and Halloween appearances. Paying a fee for the other 8 or 9 months doesn't seem all that practical.

One area where the actual gizmo did have to be considered was who would be using it. The four or five people who usually work the convention tables own a diverse selection of mobile devices. All of the big ones are represented: Android, Apple, and Blackberry. The gizmo would have to work on all of them.

Similarly, the software application would have to be able to be run on multiple devices. By this I mean that it would have to be compatible with them. Also, it would have to allow access to the account from different mobile devices. We couldn't ask someone to give us their phone for the weekend so we could work a con that they were not attending.

SquareUp seemed to fit the bill nicely. We will get our first test this weekend at the
Motor City Comic Con.

So the gizmo itself is pretty cool. That's not what put the ridiculous geek grin on my face. I got up one morning and was goofing around with the application. I wanted to get familiar with the interface and what I would have to do to use it before I actually have to use it. I discovered that you can create inventory lists with pictures and price points. You don't have to put in the price, just tap the picture of what the person is buying.

How cool is that?

While I was taking pictures of all of the GLAHW anthologies, a little pop up appeared asking if I would like to download something called Register which would allow me to better control inventory and bonuses for repeat customers.

Would I like to have the ability to organize the information about the items for sale in multiple ways? Is CDO the correct order for the letters in OCD?

I downloaded that application (free!) and set it up on my iPad as well. I am logged into the group account in one and my own in the other. Yeah, I set it up so I can sell my own merchandise as well as the group's.

Now that you have set through all of this techno-hype, I just know that you are dying to come see it in action. I'll look for your bright shiny faces at the
Suburban Collection Showplace (46100 Grand River, Novi, MI 48374) for the Motor City Comic Con. Hours are:

Fri (18 May): 12:30 - 7:00
Sat (19 May): 10:30 - 6:00
Sun (20 May): 10:30 - 5:00

For more information on the MCCC, see the previous post here.

Looking forward to see you all (and maybe even selling you something)!

In the spirit of full disclosure I will mention that this entry was going to be about two different technologies that I was playing with at the same time. The second, my surprise for
Penguicon, did not quite pan out. I am going to tweak it and try again next year so mum's the word for now.

Besides, this was long enough without it, don't you think?

*Please pardon my neologism. I'm sure most of you got the reference to the Jetsons. For those not familiar with William Gibson what you need to know is that his book Neuromancer (the first book to win the Hugo, Nebula, and Philip K Dick awards -- a sci-fi trifecta) started what came to be known as the cyberpunk** movement. If you haven't read it (or have only seen the Keanu Reeves cinematic adaption), I highly recommend it. While reading, keep in mind that it was published over a quarter century ago. Gibson imagined a future where everyone is jacked into a virtual computerized world back before HTML was invented.

**Hopefully you aren't looking for a definition of cyberpunk. This foot note is just me stating that cyberpunk was the first of the literary "punk" sub-genres. If cyberpunk focuses on computers and the melding of mind and machine in a gritty future (there, I defined it anyway), the other subgenres focus on other aspects while maintaining that dark tone. Just about anything can be and has been termed something-punk. The more recognizable include biopunk (genetic hacking), splatterpunk (ultra-gory horror), and the new favorite steampunk (variations of modern technology set in the Victorian era).

***When I consider what actually inspired this feeling I feel a little shallow. Have I really embraced consumerism that much? Apparently so.

*4 Pun intended.

*5 However, there have been credit cards since before I was born. I'm not that old. Stop talking about bartering for chickens and animal skins.

*6 Sadly we did not generate much revenue so we were among the last stores in the company to get barcode scanners. We never did get fully computerized. We used to look up titles on microfiche.*7

*7 Yes, microfiche. Look it up kids. Go on. Google it with your phone you whippersnapper.

*8 We can debate the pros and cons of this at another time. Right now we're relishing in the "gee whiz golly."

*9 The best thing about touch screen signatures? I no longer have to be embarrassed by my handwriting (I once had a sales person look at my signature and ask when I was legally changing my name to Illegible Scrawl). I can just blame it on the screen.