Blog Post of Extreme Randomness Part Two: Electric Boogaloo

There is an old writing adage which says that you should never begin a piece of fiction with a description of the weather. The classic example of this, as portrayed by my current avatar on the voluntary information dump to the National Security Agency that is Facebook is “It was a dark and stormy night.”1

They also say that you can’t break the rules until you have mastered the rules. Not to wrench my arm out of its socket, but I think I have a pretty firm grasp on that rule, so I am going to go ahead and bust that one wide open. Besides, there is nothing fictional about this post, so la de da, I can do what I want.

Of course, I’m so far along in this post that this is hardly the beginning anymore, but whatever.

What the Hell, Mother Nature? What the living Hell?

I got up this morning and put up a couple of Halloween decorations. I already hung the clock that I mentioned in this
post. I put up a flock of bats around it on the wall and put a big full moon with a witch flying in front of it above it. If I ever get around to putting a photo page up on the blog I would link to it. I suppose I can just send it to you on the Zuckerberg Experiment.

Anyway, I putzed around the house, cleaning and doing the kind of things that needed to be done. Then I went to run some errands. Actually, I went to run one errand, a trip to Target which turned into a couple more, but that’s not important. What is important was that I was able to pick up all of the things I was not able to get at the grocery store the other day (shampoo, ear plugs) as well as the real reason I went there.

I went there to get monster cereal.

Yes, I am one of those people who makes a special pilgrimage every year just to get my Count Chocula.

Some people go all crazy when the Cadbury Creme Eggs come out in the Spring.
3 Some, like the Mrs., get all excited for the pumpkin flavored stuff that comes out around this time of year. I like my over-sweetened, artificially flavored cereal that only comes out once a year. This year I am in luck because not only did General Mills release the three usual suspects (Count Chocula, Frankenberry, and Boo-Berry), they also brought back some gems from the past4 Fruit Brute and Fruity Yummy Mummy. I don’t even remember these cereals.5 Still, I have to try them.6

So what does any of this have to do with the weather? It’s 80 freaking degrees out right now. Do you know how difficult it is to maintain a properly Halloweeny personality when it is summer weather?

Yeah, yeah, I know. I shouldn’t complain. I’m just annoyed because I had to turn the AC back on. Seriously, the house was ridiculously hot. I was worried about the animals.

Anyway, I noticed a number of things while I was at the store today. The first rant is part of my seemingly never ending series of complaints about people who obviously think that they are the most important, or perhaps the only, persons on the planet. At least a dozen times I had someone stop directly in front of me to look at a list, check their phone, or just stare off into space like they were waiting for their meds to kick in or a signal from the mother ship. What the fuck, people? It’s bad enough that you are walking down the center of the aisle with the speed of a snail on sedatives. Must you randomly stop and block everyone? Some of us have lives to get back to.

Fortunately for these people, I was actually paying attention. If I hand’t been I would have rammed into their backsides. Oh, the shit I would have gotten then.

It is common courtesy folks
8, if you are going to stop for any length of time, pull over a bit and let the traffic go by.

The corollary to these people are the ones who leave their carts in the middle of the aisle while they go off to grab something off of the shelf. Now I will admit, I will occasionally forget to grab something and not want to trek back to the front of the store with my overladen, squeaky wheeled grocery cart. When I go running back for cream cheese or pickles or whatever the Hell I forgot, I tuck my cart against the wall where it won’t be in anyones way. I don’t turn it at an angle so it impedes the flow of every shopper in that part of the store.

The second rant has to do with a new group of people who I will now call The Scowlers. Is there a reason that you have to walk around all day looking like someone just jammed an icicle up your asshole? I have seen more people who just glare at everyone. I will be honest with you, that kind of approach is not going to make me feel all warm and fuzzy towards you. Quite the contrary. If you step out of your car looking all pissy, I’m probably going to ignore you completely.

There were a number of people like that in the store today. One in particular stands out. She was a middling to elder white lady who looked like she had been sucking on lemons since she was five. I’m pretty sure that she ignored her mother and her face did indeed stick in the ugly face she was making.

This woman was so unappealing that I just wanted to slap her. Honestly. I just wanted to walk right up to her ugly scowling face and slap her so she would have a different expression.

She was being very snotty to one of the workers there. I didn’t hear much of the conversation, just enough to get that slap-my-puss was accusing the worker of doing or not doing something that the worker had no control over and had not actually had anything to do with as she had just arrived at work.

I was amazed at the level of courtesy and professionalism shown by this individual. I don’t know what Target is paying their employees, but I know that it sure as shit isn’t enough to deal with the abuse this harridan was heaping on her. I know that I wouldn’t have sat for that shit and I worked retail for 10 years (and have another 15 or so dealing with the public in other areas). If I was a better person I would have stopped to get her name so I could find her boss and report what an exemplary customer service representative this young woman was.

Unfortunately, I was pretty sure that if I got anywhere near Ms. Bitchy-poo I would have hit her with one of my boxes of monster cereal.

1 Wow. That was a ridiculously long introduction, wasn’t it?

2 OK, that’s weird. Spellcheck highlights “da” but not “la” or “de.”

3 Which is ridiculous because those things are nasty.

4 Earlier this week I saw Quisp on the shelf and just about fell over. I’ve already eaten the whole box that I bought.

5 We almost never had sugary cereals growing up. The only exceptions were when we went camping and got the fun pack of those little boxes. Still, the horror part of me has always loved the monster cereals and I was saddened when they stopped making them, even though they taste pretty gross.

6 Yes, I fully expect them to be gross.

7 Yep, that’s why I turned on the air. The fact that I was sweating like a whore in church had nothing to do with it.

8 Obviously not that common.