Jeez, What Are You, Like 80?

The question which serves as the title for this little examination of my life was provided by a good friend of mine. It was her response to my list of various medical appointments I had in the near future. It made me laugh, but at the same time, there is some truth to the question.

No, I’m not eighty.

OK, so I am closer to eighty than zero.

Shut up.

A number of years ago The Mrs insisted that I start going to the doctor regularly. Up to that point I was a healthy, if a little overweight individual. Once I started going to the doctor I found out exactly how the opposite of healthy I am. Since then I have acquired a number of specialists and a ridiculous daily regimen of pills and ointments and such.

One of the things which goes along with taking pills is a whole crap load of labs. In order to receive refills on one’s medication, as those of you who are nearing 80 know full well, is to visit your doctor on a regular basis. I actually don’t mind going to the doctor. I am very fond of the people at
Stonebrooke Family Physicians. I obviously do not have a problem with needles.2

March is when I usually end up doing the spring half of my lab checks. I went to see my doctor, then went back to have a second lab draw to verify my blood sugar. It was high, so I have yet another reason to work on getting my weight under control.

After the second draw I went to get my monthly allergy shots. I mean, why not, right? I’ve already been poked a couple of times, why not a couple more.

The following week I went to the dentist for the first time in over two decades.
4 I was never overly fond of dental visits. For a while I went regularly, but then I had a spate without insurance and stopped going. This visit was very pleasant.5 Everyone was very nice. Unfortunately I do have plaque build up underneath the gum line so I have a few more visits in my future.

Two days after that was a trip to the Urologist. I have a history of kidney stones which are decidedly not fun. I am on a medication which prevents them from forming (mine tend to be calcium based. Hmm, wonder if my all cheese diet has anything to do with that). The doc recommended I get a KUV, which is pretty much an x-ray of the kidneys, to make sure I don’t have anything forming but so far that looks ok.

I plan on getting the x-ray done next week after my appointment with a sleep specialist. The Mrs (yeah, her again) is worried that I may have sleep apnea, so I get to go have that checked out as well.

All things considered, I’m not in bad shape, but I’m certainly not Blue Book Value.

We now return you to your usual scheduled gushing about getting ready for Con season.

1 Yep, it’s all her fault.

2 Because of my previous job as a Nephrology Technician. I used to draw my own blood when necessary.

3 Although there was a time when I was going to my previous physician and the wait for a lab draw was ridiculously long. I asked the technician if he wanted to draw my own labs. He agreed, I assume thinking that I would make a fool out of myself. I drew the blood without any problems and was on my way. It wasn’t until later that I thought about how that must have looked.

4 Yeah, I know.

5 I heard the phrase “That’s not nearly as bad as it could be” quite a lot during the exam.